Common Errors Of Parenting

Today, it seems very difficult to understand children as a parent. When parents think of talking to their child a lot of questions come to their mind like, would he listen to me? Why is he back answering me? Why doesn’t he like to study? Why my child behaves like this? Why is he emotionally weak? Will he be able to take his own decisions in future? And so on…..

When we compare olden days with today's, we find a lot of differences. At times it is also said that in older times we used to have joint families where the head person was the decision maker. No other member was allowed to speak against him, but today’s world is different. Now we have nuclear families and each member of the family has his / her individual views.

Today’s children are under strong influence of media, mobile, TV and internet. They do not feel that they are using these in excess. They are in no mood to listen to anything pointed towards their addiction to screen. They often argue that these things belong to their generation and it’s not their fault that it didn’t exist in their parent’s generation.

Now I have a question for the parents. Are media, mobile, and technology only responsible for all their misbehaviour? Is the role of the parents in the upbringing of the child not a reason for any of his misbehaviour?

If the child is on the wrong track we start finding its reasons in the environment and never realize that knowingly or unknowingly we might have committed some mistakes. We might have failed to understand the behaviour, emotions and feelings of our child.

If any parent tries to analyze the journey of their child’s growth, some issues might prominently come forward in the process. Let us understand this in detail.

Every parent desires that their ward should be number one in everything, especially in academics or at least stand above 90% always. It’s not wrong to have academic expectations from the children but the level of expectations is what that matters. Aren’t we making them the victims of the rat race, by expecting them to be the number one always? By imposing them to be ahead always? By insisting that they should be always on the top? Etc. We forget that they are our children and not machines. Look at their routines. They go to school, then tuitions, then come home, then they still have to complete their school homework and tuition homework. During the entire process are we not depriving them of their childhood due to the constant pressure of studies?

In the extreme case, even after studying hard if the child gets lower marks some parents threaten them and at times may be violent too. Under such a situation, do we stand firm with our children or do we give confidence to them that they can do better. The answer is usually ‘NO’.

Do we try to understand, why the child has lost interest in studies or what is the reason for his low academic performance or do we realize the areas of his interests? Do we as parents ever try to understand what are the learning styles of our ward? Are you sharing enough quality time with your children?

If the answer to these questions is mostly ‘NO’. Then this is a very big area of concern.

Is it fair on our part as parents to put the pressure of our expectations, our thinking, our beliefs on the children without understanding the psyche of our children? Do we have any right to be angry or threaten them without any reason?

We must understand that every child is unique. Every child has different likes and dislikes and so they possess different styles of studying.

 Parents must realize that academics is just a part of the life journey of our ward and not life as a whole. Stop making them the victims of the academic rat race.

It’s absolutely true that studies are important and a platform for the future. But as a parent, our duty is to make the environment stress free so that our child can do his studies in most enjoyable way, understand the ability, potential and interest of the child, give him the confidence to face the academic challenges and to stand with him unconditionally to find the solution to the problems he might face whatsoever. As parents, if we try to be with the child with a positive and open mind it is possible to understand your child in a better way. In case, you find it difficult to understand and handle your child’s emotional issues, behavioural challenges, academic difficulties, you can always take help from a counsellor