Counselling – Necessity and Taboo

Yesterday I was sitting with few likeminded people and one of them said people hesitate to change even if they are not happy in the present situation. To prove his statement he narrated an incident. He told us that he happened to meet a group of prostitutes at a rehabilitation centre. These ladies said that they were not leading a normal life and were worried about their old age. The in-charge of the rehabilitation centre asked them to stay at the centre and work for the needy there. He explained that this would enable them to live a more respectable life and they could save for their old age as well. But they were reluctant to leave the place where they were staying and also their profession and come to the mainstream. Now, it’s not that they are enjoying being a prostitute. At some point of time in the initial years, they too might have thought and tried to get out of the situation. But now, they are used to their way of life. They do not want to come out of their comfort zone.

There are many people in our society who want to change their lives. Many of them are under stress, constant anxiety, continuously in dilemma or confusion. Quite a few are irritated and frustrated due to their surroundings and circumstances. It is not that they do not want to come out of the present situation. However, they feel safe in the zone of discomfort. Coming out of that zone seems impossible and dangerous to them. They are fixed in a vicious circle. They try to show as if they are very happy and nothing bothers them.

Another problem with such people is the fear of being exposed, ridiculed and made fun of. They prefer not to be open about their problems to anyone. They think that if they tell someone about their problems or issues, they would become a topic of discussion or chat. They hesitate to share their feelings even with so-called near ones. Children cannot discuss their problems with the parents or teachers, adults cannot discuss with their colleagues or family members and family issues are not discussed even within the family.

There is another perception that no one can help them solve their problems as no one has time to listen to them and no one would understand them. There are a few who feel that they know they need to change and they also know what to change. But it is just that they are not able to implement it.  They believe that it would take just a little time to change themselves as it is well within their control and need no help from others.

Then there is another group of people who always say that others need to change. They are finding difficult to adjust to the situation. But they are not ready to take responsibility for self. People feel that all the problems they are facing are due to others creating problems for them. They don’t realize that they need to change their belief system, their perceptions, their way of thinking. They just blame everything and everyone other than themselves. They consider themselves to be perfect and competent enough to judge others.

At times, such type of feeling of sadness, fear, anxiety, dilemma, confusion makes life miserable. Some of them may also not able to perform the regular routine. But they are fearful or ashamed to seek help from others. People are ready to go to doctors for any sort of physical problems, even for simple cold, cough and fever. But they are reluctant to go to a counsellor for help. People would say they are not crazy to go to a counsellor. If at all they would go, they would take enough care that no one comes to know about it. They won’t share their counselling experiences with others due to the apprehension of being called weak, mad or crazy.

Counselling is about helping to strengthen oneself, helping a person to pause, think and being mindful before responding or taking action. It helps a person to go deep into self and get more intimate with self. However, counselling or therapy is not a quick solution to the problems. It mostly brings our deeply hidden wounds on the fore which may be the root cause of today’s problems. When we go deeper into ourselves it becomes easier to get healed and be more in the present than dwelling over the past. Thus going to a counsellor is not something to be ashamed of or a sign of inadequacy in some manner. Additionally, you don’t have to be in deep trouble or distress to visit a counsellor. If you go to a counsellor as and when there is slight discomfort, you would be saved from getting in deep trouble which may later lead to severe problems.